She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
