I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
