I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
