He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
