Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We are all done wearing pants today
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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