I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
