That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
