so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Sober January is a disaster.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
