Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
