i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
