whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
