Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
