if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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