i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
try to milk me bitch
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