With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
