Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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