i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
