I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
