I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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