Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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