Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
