how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
