Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
