can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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