things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Will exercising make me less horny?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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