I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
