i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
