I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
