just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
