Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
