i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
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Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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