No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
