I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
