I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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