dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
