Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
