I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
