I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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