Please, let me fuck your mom
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
