I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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