He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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