ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
