is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
