i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
