She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
