take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
