i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
