i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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