My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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