Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
