Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
