I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
