its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
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So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
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I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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