Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
