my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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