matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
