Welp...herpes.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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