That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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