he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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