you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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