Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
