How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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