I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
