I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
