I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
